


Newfags Can't Triforce

by roundandtalented



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/M, Kinkmeme, M/M, Mild Sexual Content, Pale Romance | Moirallegiance, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-06
Updated: 2013-04-14
Packaged: 2017-12-07 15:09:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,890
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/749927
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/roundandtalented/pseuds/roundandtalented
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“This is!…” She pauses like she’s trying to remember your name, but you never told her it, so she quickly looks to you for help.</p><p>“Eridan.”</p><p>“ERIDAN. Wow, you have a cute name too!” You’re pretty sure she has no control over the volume of her voice whatsoever. Fun.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> **Prompt:**   
>  Roxy is just relaxed enough to deal with Eridan’s dramatics and return them in kind, whilst not so relaxed that she doesn’t care about his genocidal urges. She spends some time with him and chills out and possibly introduces him to booze. And also spends a nice chunk of time having some friendly arguing and needling about wizards and military tactics and the usefulness of hacking and big guns.   
>  Either dreambubble, everyone is alive!AU, or trollstuck. Or any other miscellaneous way you could think of.
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> \- [Kinkmeme](http://homesmut.dreamwidth.org/38671.html?thread=40789775#cmt40789775)  
> 

You watch her when you all come to because she has Ahab’s Crosshairs. How the hell does _she_ have your gun? You’re reasonably sure you gave it to Jade, and she’s over there, across the room, crying and hugging the other dweebs.

It takes the humans about ten extra seconds to realize there’s a crowd of trolls slumped haphazardly around the white den of someone’s hive. Judging by how the Egbert kid is waving his arms around, it belongs to him. Looks awful nice for a peasant’s hive, but maybe Earth really _is_ that different. That’s where you are, you assume. Earth.

The other trolls, a lot of which you have foggy memories of, immediately start whispering amongst each other. Why is it so white. Why is it so clean. Why are there fuckin’ harlequins everywhere?

But no one comes to you to whisper. Of course they don’t. Karkat at least looks at you, like he’s sorry his attentions are being taken up by the swarm around him. But you kind of just stand there, arms crossed over your chest and recalling just _why_ they aren’t talking to you. Oh yeah. You... Flew off the handle and killed some of them. It… actually seems a bit reasonable. Justifiable even, that they won’t come over to you. You probably wouldn’t go chitchat with someone who blasted people with science last time they were alive either. But then… Vriska’s over there just fine, same with Kanaya and she was the one who came at you with a chainsaw… Speaking of which.

You lift the bottom of your shirt and sure enough there’s a thin purple scar along your middle. You feel dizzy just thinking about the last time you looked there. How you weren’t quite in one piece at the time. You swallow and make yourself look back to the girl with your gun.

If you go over to her and demand it, are you going to get sawed in half again? How else is she going to give it back if you don’t threaten her? She’s surrounded by her little group of humans too, so you’re definitely outnumbered.

You find yourself backing up against the wall when the same blonde you’ve been watching walks towards you.

“Whatcha staring at, prettyboy?” She stumbles a bit and giggles, like she’s sucked back some sopor and isn’t quite in her right mind. Her eyes are bright though. Perhaps it’s a verbal quirk?

“You’ve got my gun.” You take a deep breath, puff out your chest in attempt to look maybe a little tougher than you feel.

“Do I? You c’n have it back if ya want. Don’t think I’ll be needin' it now.” You’re kind of stunned when she plops it down in your hands. “You’ve got an awful nice scarf. Did’ya make it yerself?”

You feel your cheeks heat up and you make a quick glance around the room. Everyone else is hugging and crying and you hear a few apologies too. You have this feeling like something great and special happened but you’re out of the loop. What did you miss.

“I uh, yeah.”

“Well yer gunna have to make me one then because WOW is that cute.”

Is she making advances at you. Is she flirting with you. You don’t even want to assume because of how that’s gone every time you thought so previously.

“Thanks?”

“HEY JANE.” Suddenly she loops her arm under yours and you’re being dragged forward. “I MADE A NEW FRIEND.”

“Hoo-hoo! Did you now?”

“YEAH!” She pulls you up alongside a chubby little human with short, curly black hair. “This is!….” She pauses like she’s trying to remember your name, but you never told her it, so she quickly looks to you for help.

“Eridan.”

“ERIDAN. Wow, you have a cute name too!” You’re pretty sure she has no control over the volume of her voice whatsoever. Fun.

“It’s nice to meet you Eridan.” She smiles quite pleasantly and yes, you like this one. She’s not loud, and she seems friendly. “I’m Jane Crocker. And this is Roxy.” She introduces her friend who brought you here like she knows she never even told you her name. Well, at least these humans seem fairly intelligent, not that Jade was entirely stupid. Rose definitely was intelligent too. Perhaps you really ought to give these creatures more credit…

The words ‘ _game_ ’, ‘ _battle_ ’, ‘ _English_ ’ and ‘ _won_ ’ filter through the room rapidly and suddenly it starts making sense. John, you’ve only even seen him from over Karkats shoulder but you know its him, directs everyone to gather 'round, pulling Karkat with him and being tailed by a punky Feferi look-a-like. Meenah you think was her name? Like you said, it’s a bit foggy.

John announces that the game you all played has been defeated and there’s a collective sigh of relief. But what follows is a bit confusing. He talks about living arrangements, trolls and humans living in the same spaces. He starts telling people to group up, and to call Guardians that are no doubt at home and confused. You’re pretty sure your lusus isn’t here. And you’re pretty sure that Cronus douchebag looks way more excited than he should be about living with humans.

“It’d probably be best to keep families together, right?” John seems to consider ancestors troll family. You’re not impressed. You want nothing to do with Cronus but apparently you don’t have a choice. And then you start to get worried because honestly, you didn’t get along with any of the humans you talked to over pesterchum all that well. Like, you sort of got along with Jade sometimes? But you definitely weren’t friends with any of them. Not like Karkat and Dave, or Rose and Kanaya...

“Do we each have to go back to our respective houses then?” John’s green-eyed look-a-like pipes up this time, sounding a bit concerned. “I mean, mine’s just a tad farther _out there_ , you understand?” At first you’re not sure if he’s worried about being stranded with a couple trolls, or if it’ll be a hassle in general. But then you see his hand is linked with the other blonde human, the one who looks similar to Dave, and you understand. You don’t just understand, you feel bad for them.

The group of trolls sitting around Jade look a little concerned too. You suppose Jade must live far away as well then. That could be problematic, seeing as there's a lot of mixed up relationships that don’t quite match up between ‘families’.

The humans sort out their housing problems with a simple “ _we’ll move_ ” and a “ _we have the money to make trips_ ” and you sort of just tune them out after that because humans start deciding which trolls they’re taking with them. While the Roxy girl, who you’ve assumed as a Lalonde because wow does she look like Rose, continues to hold your arm in hers, you go over your options.

You have a sinking feeling it’s going to be similar to choosing FLARP teams; you’re going to be last to be picked. You’re always last. 

Its Rose’s voice that makes you look up from where you’re glowering. She’s wandered over to stand before you and your ‘new friend’.

“We’ll take the Maryams and Amporas then?” Rose asks her. Roxy claps her hands together gleefully, bouncing on the balls of her feet in excitement. You kind of get jostled in the process.

“You actually want him around?” You ask her, gesturing to Cronus, who is off talking quietly with the red-sweatered Karkat clone.

“He’s going to be a bit of a _project_ of mine.” The way she uses that word makes you shiver in discomfort. She’s gotten no less creepy since the last time you saw her.

“I don’t think living where you did before would be the best location if we’re going to be spending a lot of time in the Amporas’ company.” Kanaya tries to word it nicely, but you know what she means. She’s worried about you snapping again. And Cronus. She likely doesn’t want to be stuck too close to him.

“I agree. I’m sure we can find a place closer to town that will fit all of us.” Rose smiles at you because she knows you’re listening to her very closely. She… seems safe for you. For now at least. You wouldn’t put it past her to do something wacky and keep you under tight surveillance though.

“We’re going to be _beeest frieenddsss!_ ” Roxy coos in your ear. You try not to visibly wince when Rose’s smile turns into more of a smirk.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh gosh, thanks for the kudos and little comments you guys. Here's the next bit.
> 
> ♥

“I am the luckiest gurl in the world! I’ve got two biffles and I get to see one ALL THE TIME.” She plops herself down on the bed right next to you, then tips over into your lap.

You have absolutely no idea what the ever-loving fuck a biffle is, but you sure hope it’s good. Maybe it’s a drink. She sure likes drinks. The fizzy kind and the sopor-like kind. She's really not picky with either.

“Sweety, you look awful.” Oh. “Whats on yer mind. You’ve not been sayin much all night.”

“I dunno. Just confused I guess.” She perks up and you roll your eyes. “Since you guys won the game an all, I kinda thought everythin’ would go back to normal. But it’s kinda sinkin’ in that that’s kinda not ever gunna happen. An every time I wake up you an Rose have gone and changed the house or something else has happened and it’s like you humans never sleep, but that aint true because I remember seein’ Rose sleep-“

“Lawl you watched my teen mom sleep? You creeper.”

“Shh. But like, I feel worn down I guess? Like I just can’t keep up with you humans. And I can’t just go out an do things at night because well, one, nothin’s open because you guys are mainly diurnal I guess. And two, everyone else is a bunch a idiots and look at me like I’m some sorta monster. And the worst part is I can’t even kill them for bein’ stupid.” You heave this great big sigh at her dumb, grinning face. Too damn happy.

“No you can’t.” She pats your head because well, you suppose you’ve come a long way in the last four weeks. A long way from trying to blast young humans who came to the door asking for money in exchange for cookies.

“An well, I’m confused about this because I remember being told, multiple times, that you humans don’t do quadrants but here you are, listinen’ to my woes and pappin’ me-“

“OHMAGAWD PAP THAT IS SUCH A CUTE WORD”

“Rox.”

“okayokay keep blabbing, I’ll shut up.” She flaps her hand at you and you can’t help but laugh. Then she laughs and the two of you end up slumped together, snickering and mock-papping each other’s foreheads like idiots.

“Is there a human term for this?” You ask, once you’ve calmed yourself down. Roxy has her face wrapped in both your scarf and hers so that only her eyes are peeking out between pink, purple and blue folds.

“Dorks.”

“I know what a dork is. But like. This type a friend.”

“A biffle. Like I said. You’re my second gay bee-eff-eff.” She sticks her tongue out at you and makes a face at you like you’re dumb.

“What’s a gay, an what’s a bee eff eff?”

“You’re a homo. You like other boys.” You narrow your eyes.

“Now wait a second, that’s not entirely true. I like all genders just fine.”

“Well, to me and just about everyone else, you look like a homo. It’s cute. You’ve got tha little pouty hipster dealio goin’ on too.” You don't think Kan looks any different from other trolls, and she only likes girls, but whatever. Maybe you're just missing something.

“What’s a bee eff eff.” You repeat for her.

“Best. Friend. For. Ever.” She boops you on the nose with each word and you maybe go a little cross-eyed behind your glasses. “We paint each other’s nails, gab at each other about people we like or don’t like, you hold my hair when I throw up, and I pick out cute skirts for you to try on. True friends.”

“We take care of each other?” You’re maybe a little hopefully this is close to a quadrant. It sounds it. It’s borderline pale.

“Yeah. Like when you tried to blow up the Girl Guides who came to the door the first week you were here. And when you told Rose you were just gunna kill the neighbors because they were dirty and annoyed you. I got you outa trouble and made you watch Gilmore Girls reruns with me. And then Skyrim.”

Oh. You do love Skyrim an awful lot, but oh. That’s. That’s pretty close.

“Yer makin’ the face again.”

“What face?” You’re not making a face. You know you’re not making a face.

“The ‘hurr translate to troll lingo’ face.” You smack her thigh and she just cackles at you because ok, maybe you were.

“Well, that’s ‘cause that sounds an awful lot like one of our quadrants.” You try to shrug but it’s not really noticeable.

“Which one. Is it the biffles one.”

“Well, moiraillegence is when you feel bad for someone, but want to make sure they turn out ok. An you kind of take care of them? Make them not sad, an talk about problems together an stuff. An like, your moirail is the one you go to when you’re really upset or really mad or even really happy. And they back you up or give you advice.”

“So pretty much a biffle. A really dedicated biffle.”

“What’s the difference between a biffle an a bee-eff-eff?”

“Biffles are best Friends For Life. Which, sounds like what you were just sayin.” She shrugs her thin little shoulders at you and laughs like it’s the easiest thing. Like establishing that she already pretty much considers you her pale is easy for her. Maybe it is.

“So. Do you wanna be my moirail then?” You feel your cheeks heat up, and suddenly you’re fidgeting with sleeves on your sweater. Oh fuck, why is this always so scary? What if she decides you’re too much work? What is this ends up just like Fef and you smother her?

“Do Moi-rals go shoppin' together?”

“I suppose they do?” You sort of blink at her a couple times.

“Do they go on silly movie dates and throw popcorn at the screen.” Why would you throw popcorn? It tastes so good and salty! One of you favorite earth foods so far!

“I guess? Yeah?”

She pushes off the scarves and leans real close to your face, this wicked smirk on her lips.

“Do they hold hands?” her voice is quieter than before, like she’s trying to be sneaky or troublesome with her questions now.

“Y-yeah.”

“Do moi-rals smooch?” she waggles her eyebrows at you in the way you’ve come to know all the Lalondes do and wow you sure are purple in the cheeks. You make a bit of a strangled sound and feel your ear fins flutter in embarrassment.

“Oooo they do, don’t they~” You take a deep breath and scooch backwards from her on her bed, trying not to mess up her covers too badly.

“Roxy Lalonde, that is for much later in a moiraillegence and there is no way you should even be thinkin’ about that at this point!” You try and scold her but she just cackles and you can’t stay stern with her.

“Alright, fishboy, I’ll be your Moi-ral.”

“Moi- _rail_.”

“Whatevs, I’m be your thingy. What shape is this one amyways.”

“Diamond.”

“Awww yeahhh!” She makes her middle and index finger into a V shape and sticks the points at you. “You do it too!” You copy her and she slowly slides them so your fingertips line up. She makes an explosion noise upon impact and then moves her hand like her fingers are the bits of the blast. You’re confused until she starts giggling at herself and tips over and then you realize she’s being goofy.

“Come on Moi-ral! Time for a celebrit… celebrax…. Celebra- A DRINK. I need a drink!” You groan because she always seems to ‘need’ a drink. “And then we should go blast some losers in TF2 because crushing the hopes of hat obsessed rejects gives me a lady boner.”

TF2 sounds good.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahaha here's the part where I stuff erisol into this fic just like everything else I ever write ♥ 

“Ughh! He’s such an asshole oh my goddddd!” You watch her push her laptop away from her on the bed in a huff. Roxy then turns and face-plants into her pillows, hitting it with her balled up fists and kicking her bare feet dramatically. It’s quite comical, even if you know she’s actually upset.

“What happened? Some scrub kick you?”

“WORSE!” She sits up and whips a spare pink pillow at her laptop. It misses by a mile and she lets out this exasperated growl. “He fucking beat me again! I swear he’s CHEATING.”

“Who’s cheatin’? I thought you were a leet haxxor or whatever ya called yerself?”

“I _AM_ A LEET HAXXOR. YOU DUNT EVEN KNOW.” She’s back screaming into the pillow so you figure you should probably do something. You close your laptop rather gently and slip it under her bed where it won’t get damaged. Your fanfiction can wait, you suppose.

“Tell me about it.” You set yourself down next to her and rub a slow circle on her lower back. She whines something into the pillow but you don’t catch it so you prod her butt. She giggles and kicks a foot at you half-heartedly. “Come on. Feelings Jam time.”

“It’s feelings time, come on grab your friend, gunna go and sit, on a pile. With Eri the troll, and Rox-eee the human.” You cut her off with a laugh because wow, that was actually a decent attempt.

“I mean it. What’s goin’ on Rox?” She rolls over and you rub her tummy instead because she likes that. Even though it scrunches up the off-shoulder pink t-shirt she’s wearing, she doesn’t care. She just blows her bangs out her face and flops her arms down at her sides.

“It’s the fuckinggg, lispy douche. You know the one.”

“Sollux?” You actually hadn't talked to him in about a month. No wonder everything had been so peaceful and insult-free. Things had been weird anyway. There's this awkward draw to him now, which you guess comes from the time you shared in sprite-form. Which was awkward as hell when it un-fogged in your mind, by the way.

“Yeah. That dweeb.”

“He _is_ a dweeb.”

“Oh my god I know. Like. He’s geekier than _you_ an that’s sayin’ sumthin.” She smiles and you know she’s just playing so you return it, giving her a light tap on her belly button where you know there’s a little heart rhinestone piecing that Dirk gave her for human Christmas. They're cute, Dirk and Roxy. You like when he visits an awful lot.

“He’s the king of geeks. With an Xbox throne.”

“Wii-mote sceptre.”

“DDR mat cape.”

“Nerdling minions.” She whines again at that though, hands on her face.

“He _does_ have nerdlings. They worship the cyberground he walks on AND WHY NOT ME? I’m intarnet famous too!” She kicks her feet again and you have to hold them down so you don’t end up taking a foot to the gils.

“He _made_ the game for my session so, he _is_ really good with computers Rox.”

“No, shut up, he’s just a socially inept loser who lives in Dirk’s basement and kills noobs all day. That’s all he does and no one’s gunna tell me otherwise.” That’s kind of sad but…

“Rox, he just killed you didn’t he?”

“NO. IT WAS A FLUKE.” She sits up and points her finger at you accusingly. “He just got lucky! Haha, no, that tool is never gunna get lucky. No girls gunna want to kiss his lispy mouth. All those teeth. HA. I’ve prolly kissed more people than he has!” She’s so damn proud of that statement too. _sigh._ Oh well.

“He dated Aradia and Fef. And I have it on good authority he kissed Karkat one time too because well, it’s Kar.” He can’t seem to keep a relationship though. He mentioned it once to you that people get sick of waiting for him. That really sucks, but you sort of know that feel. People used to get sick of you, too.

“WHAT?! Did he get anywhere with those girls though? I mean dang, he must like boobs an awful lot then. Those girls have huge knockers! Like, Jane sized tits!” You have no idea what her fascination is with rumble spheres but whatever. She’s making gestures, pointing at her own, and you don’t understand females. Never have, never will. Maybe she's right about that 'homo' thing.

“For serious though, Sollux lives on his computer and doesn’t know how to function. How the frickkk, THE FRICK ERIDAN,” she’s got her hands on your shoulders. Wow she is really, really passionate about this??? “IS HE MORE POPULAR THAN ME?”

“Rox, I’m sorry, but you just sound really black for Sol.” There. You said it. It’s out there. But why doesn’t your chest feel any less tight?

“But I’m white tho.” She points at her skin colour. Yeah she actually is you guess. Haha, that’s terrible. 

“No like, black romance.”

“Its _Bad_ Romance. Yer a failure of a gay boy.” You're pretty sure the uncalled for song reference is what makes you yell.

“KISMEISITUDE, ROXY. IT’S A QUADRANT.” She goes all starry eyed because you raised your voice at her but at least she’s listening now. Her palm slowly meets your cheek and she does this light tap-tap that makes all the tension in you ease away, but your stomach still feels off.

“What kind of quadrand?”

“Uh, a concupiscent one?”

“Is that one where we fuck?” You wince, but nod. Roxy just sort of hums at you.

“Is it one where I get to hit him?” She asks tentatively. You’ve explained them all to her once before. Dirk had to help you use human terms. The two of you actually get along really well because he’s fascinated by troll Psychology and culture, and you like to run your mouth about stupid shit.

“Yes! Sort of!” You’re actually kind of proud that she remembered that much. She at least got something out of your lesson.

“So can I kiss him, then kick him in the dick?” Dirk’s translations work the other way too. You know what a dick is. You also know a lot of other terms. Terms you never _needed_ to know.

“Uh, you might not want to damage his bonebulge. That’s kind of, not really a good idea. I mean, you just said he wasn’t very well off in life already. Add in a non-functional bulge and that’s just awful.” He already is awful. Awfully sad. And you kind of really don’t want that for him because you know just how wrecked and distant he’s been ever since the whole ‘long-distance-with-fef’ thing came crashing down. He’s not talked to you, or your ex-moirail in at least four weeks. Maybe you should go message him….

“Can humans even do hatesex?”

You sputter at her, completely caught off guard.

“I would assume so. I mean, you can do pale relationships, redrom, and Kar said for a while Jade was ashen for him an John after the DVD incident?” You offer her a shrug. “Pretty sure Kar and Dave were a bit black too? At least when they first met?

“Davey’s special though.” You have to agree with her on that. Kid should have been born a troll. Actually, wait. Dave lived with Sollux. Maybe he could get Dave to go check on him?

“We should ask Dave.”

Both of you retrieve your forgotten laptops at nearly the same time, sliding in to sit next to each other against the wall. Unfortunately, Dave isn’t helpful. For either of you. He tells Roxy it’s her choice, and tells you that asking him won’t help fix the problem and that Sollux is in a down mood. He definitely _is_ Dirk's genetic relative.

Roxy wants to sleep on the ‘blackrom thoughts’ though, so you leave her alone. You don’t trouble her with your Sollux thoughts because she’s biased right now due to his earlier destroying her. So once she’s tucked in and nodding off while trying to carry on a conversation about her favourite breed of cat, you slip out and head to your room, laptop in hand.

Your conversation with the lisping nerd-wonder does not go as expected. At all. It starts out snarky, then moves to concerned, and then suddenly he’s word-vomiting all over your screen in his off-yellow font and you’re just so overwhelmed. It’s the same feeling from earlier only much clearer.

He calls you on skype and cries about how he feels useless and games aren’t even helping him any more because he’s got nothing to look forward to. There’s nothing in the future for him, and the only person who ever talks to him is Mituna because Striders are weird and he doesn't understand their riddled speech and even though Dirk is nice to him he feels more like a creature observed than an actual person. He tells you it’s not even that he misses Fef or Aradia, because Aradia is always out with Equius now, even though she originally moved with him. It’s that he misses having any contact with anyone. And that he’s going to hate himself tomorrow for even talking to you about this but right now he needs it.

You kind of figure it out at that point. What the gross feeling is in your stomach that’s been lurking there ever since Roxy brought him up. Actual feelings. Of the pitying variety. You’re confused and upset and concerned all at once, but he’s been honest with you, and you remind him that he has been. He nods, slow like he’s worried of what you’re going to say next.

You tell him exactly what you’re feeling. All of the things you’re feeling and he actually fucking smiles. All messy teeth and kind of dumbly happy. His hair is a mess, his shirt has stains on it, and it looks like it’s been weeks since his last proper meal. And you pity the stupid fucker.

He says he can work with that, but you’re still a hopeless moron.

You already know Roxy is going to kill you in the morning.


	4. Chapter 4

She doesn’t freak out as much as you thought she might. You had to plan out how to tell her, though. You started by re-explaining what matespritship was to her, then repeating all the things she said about Sollux, plus some explanations. It sort of clicked and she didn’t throw anything other than her pillow.  


“YOU _WOULD_ WANT THE NERD D, YOU TRAITOR.” You’re pretty sure that’s not the right word in this instance, but you’ll let it slide.  


Dirk shows up later that afternoon, which is unfortunate because Sollux is passed out still and hadn’t had the chance to ask to come along. You pout for the first little bit but eventually settle into the couch with Dirk and Roxy, lazily explaining your situation to them.  


“I’m really glad, actually. The kid never leaves his room. Maybe you’re the kick he needs?” Dirk has control of the remote, flipping through channels at a rapid pace despite how chilled he looks.  
“I’m worried about us not always gettin’ along though.” You push a hand through your hand, leaning back against the plush cushions.  
“Man, don’t even. Every couple has their spats. Long distance fucking works for some people too. Me and English for example. Its why he doesn’t live with me, Dave and Bro permanently. Not only is he completely void of city-smarts, but he really isn’t cut out for being in my company for any more than a week at a time.”  


Roxy scrunches up her nose before turning to look at you.  
“That’s because Jakey doesn’t like PDA and Di-Stri is a real cuddleslut.” Dirk snorts and elbows her, but doesn’t really protest otherwise.  
“We don’t like the same thing in relationships. Hell we don’t even have the same interests.” He settles on the discovery channel, one of his legs crossed over the other and his arms slung around the back of the couch. “We just happen to like each other enough to stick with it. I see him every other week, and that’s good enough for me. I have shit to do here anyways.”  


You’re not really sure how far away Jake's island is, distance wise. Roxy told you it’s a six hour flight though. The Strider household is only a two hour drive from your home, however. Which is why you see Dirk so often, you guess. He’s only brought Jake with him a handful of times, but all of them have been pleasant. He’s a friendly kid. A little rowdy and oblivious, but definitely tolerable.  


“You should bring your Jungle boy _and_ the nerd-wonder with you next time!”  
Dirk smirks at your moirail.  
“As long as you promise not to maim or kill him, sure.”  
“Ya mean it?” He nods at you.  
“Yep. Dave could bring him up when he comes next week to see Rose. You could probably even keep him a few nights.”  


That’s what you want. You want him over. You want to see him, you want to be close to him, you want him to spend the night. In your room. In your human bed. You want that so fucking much and when Rose and Roxy’s mom tells you it’s fine, you rush to your laptop to tell him.  
He doesn’t come online until nearly dinner time, having caught up on his sleep or, ‘good enough’ as he put it. A solid effort on actually sleeping, he told you. He apparently hadn’t slept more than four hours over the past week and was grateful to be feeling at ease enough to get some substantial rest. You crawl into bed, laptop perched on your legs as you tell him the news. He’s just as pleased as you are and after raiding with him for quite a while, you find yourself squinting at the screen from where your laptop has slid to your chest. This is no longer comfortable. He sends you to bed, says you’re not finishing your sentences all the way any more so he knows you’re tired but too stubborn to say something. And reminds you that _did_ share a body at one point, so he knows all your tendencies. You don’t think you’ll mind relearning all of his.  


A quick goodnight and you close the lid. As you snuggle under your sheets you put a reminder for each day on your little cellphone that Roxy gave you. Five days ‘til Sollux comes over. Four days. Three days. Two.  


You’ve never been so excited to have less room in your bed.

...

Right on schedule, five days later Dave pulls into the driveway and you’re pretty sure that’s the fastest you’ve ever seen Rose run. Kanaya is right on her heels though, laughing as she warns her girlfriend to be careful, since she’s forgotten to slip on any sort of shoe before leaving the safety of the tiled doorway.  
You follow both of them out, wincing as the sharp gravel tries to spear your bare feet on the way to the little red sedan.  


You’re a mixture of excited and terrified; all tensed up and feet hurting but grinning like an idiot when Sollux steps out of the passenger side. He’s gotten taller, but you still have him beat. You couldn’t tell from his webcam and it makes you grin. He’s still a total beanpole. Gangly in all the hilariously adorable ways he was when you were younger.  


“Hey.”  
He’s just as nervous as you are, fidgeting with his backpack and not quite looking directly at you, even though he’s got a sheepish grin plastered on his face. Fuckin’ cute, wow.  


You take his hand to bring him inside and his cheeks go yellow. Holy shit, you’re not sure you were ready for him to be like this. You shared a fucking sprite body for upwards of two years. Hand holding is no where close to the shit you’ve sort of done with him during the game, if you’re going to get technical about it.  


Maybe he’s thinking that too.  


Roxy doesn’t come out to say hi for at least another hour, during which you and Sollux go from talking in your room, to sifting through games to play in the living room. He brought his headset and controller, and just as the two of you settle on playing COD just to laugh at the twelve year olds, Roxy saunters in.  
It quickly becomes a competition between her and Sollux to outdo each other. You sit in the middle of the couch for easy access to her face should it need a firm pap… It does. It needs a few papings actually.  


The three of you plow through games and systems, playing anything with an online option for added competition. They rile each other up so perfectly that you feel like watching them is more fun than playing. You bet Kar would fucking love this.  
At one point, closing in on hour 3 of games, Sollux cracks. You weren’t expecting him to go first but he does, in the middle of Brawl. He nearly launches his borrowed wii-mote at her, but he’s got the strap around his wrist like a wriggler, and stomps over to stand in front of her.  


“Alright LaLonde. That’th it. We’re not danthing around thith any longer.”  
“Sit down, dweeb. I can’t see you dying on screen.”  
“Roxy,” it comes out ‘rock-the’ and that lisp of his is really endearing to you where it never was before, “I fucking hate you, you piece of thit.”  
The game hasn’t paused but everything seems to just halt. Both their cheeks are bright. You’re resisting the urge to clap with glee like a total idiot. A dish in the kitchen hits the floor and you don’t even have to look to know Rose and Kanaya are peering around the corner to see Roxy’s response.  
Everything is quiet except for the CPU Jigglypuff on screen.  


“I hate you too, Captor, now move your boney little ass, before I make you!”  


You hear Kanaya ‘daw’ and you maybe clap a couple times. They’re tiny ones. Tiny, little ‘eeee’ claps of utter glee. Roxy tosses you a smile and goes back to her game. You’ll get hugs and fistbumps and lame diamond finger signs later. When she isn’t totally embarrassed in front of everyone.  
Sollux drops down onto the couch next to you right where he sat before. You don’t even have to think about it when you press a quick kiss to his check and whisper ‘grats’. He turns to you, wide eyed, bright yellow in the cheeks, and grinning all teeth. Its contagious and your stomach is all fluttergrubs. You simultaneously want to  
Hide your awful shark-grin, and throw yourself into his lap. You want to kiss him proper, and you want to scream with excitement.  


And then his Metaknight dies again on screen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy 4/13 you guys c:


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, it's been fun. Hope everyone enjoyed it and that if the OP ever sees it, it's what they wanted c:

He only stays two nights and then he's gone back with Dave. You suppose that's alright. Dirk is coming up in a few days with Jake and you know Sollux will be with them.

All in all, you had a good few days with him. Snarked at each other a few times, but it always ended in snickers and maybe a pillow fight on the second evening. There wasn't any trouble because Roxy always threatened Cronus with 'I'll get Rose' any time he came near you and Sollux. Apparently Cronus and Mituna were good friends when they were younger and he feels the need to have interactions with Sollux because of it. Usually his interactions are just harassing people though, so Roxy’s used to telling him to fuck off.

More than anything it was three days of hanging out with your moirail, and the one person both of you had the urge to mack on. Except no makeouts happened.  
Apparently Sollux Captor is concerned he's bad at kissing, black _and_ red. You got a few tender smooches in your bed on the last night, and he slept tucked up against your chest, but you did not get very physically involved.  
It took a lot of Roxy's reminding that it was only his first visit to make you less concerned he didn't actually want you. Reminding and papping and shooshes in the form of 'I didn't kiss him at ALL. You at least got some, I didn't have the balls to snag ANY.'

She doesn't know your pain. You watched him get changed for bed each night like it was nothings and every time you had to will away your boner. He's skinny as fuck, how the hell is he so attractive?!

You pretty much make a break for the shower the second Dave's car isn't off down the road. You crank up the temperature and put all the images of your boyfriend stripping in front of you the past two nights to good use.

While the following four days goes as per usual, you stop by Roxy's room as you go to pick up your laundry only to find she's downed an entire six pack while you were cleaning your room. Sollux is supposed to be coming back in the morning, and you like starting with a clean room. 

“It’s liquid courage! Makes me play better!” she insists, giggling and tipping over at her desk. Pesterchum is up on her laptop and you can already spot the spades symbols all over the chatlog. She’s dead on-screen in WoW and just chilling at the graveyard- likely has been for a good while by the looks of conversation.

“Come on Rox, time for bed. I think you’ve had enough.” You know she’s worried she’s not going to be able to hold her own against a troll, but you don’t think your Sollux would be too rough on her right away. He’d likely rather best her online than in a physical match anyways.

“Say goodnight.”

“No!” You type in a ‘ _rox says goodnight. putting her to bed. ♠ from her and a ♥ from me babe_ ', and usher your moirail towards the pile of pillows and stuffed animals on her bed.

“I’ll get you up for chores, kay?” she just giggles and rolls on the bed.

“I’m gunna kiss your troll boyfriend”

“No you’re not.” She might eventually. Just not right now. Likely not tomorrow either.

“Right on da mouth. I’m kiss him. Imma smooch him good.”

She’s so sloshed. You’re pretty sure you ought to go get her a glass of water and a washing bin just in case her daiquiris decide they don’t like her anymore.

“Roxy. You’re probably not going to kiss Sol any time soon.”

“I’m gunna frick him.” You snort. “I’m gunna frick the nerd.” You pat the top of her head and pull her blanket up to her shoulders. A quick kiss to her forehead and she giggles at you again.

“Go to sleep. We’ll talk in the mornin’.”

“Night night, homofish. Go send your geeklord mushy bedtime messages.”

Homofish. That’s a new one.

...

The next night, Roxy manages to coerce everyone into drinks. And by everyone you mean Dirk, Jake, Sollux and yourself. Mainly you and Sollux. Jake didn't take much coercing.  
Coincidentally, Jake is also a lightweight. He and Dirk retire from your Mario party game fairly early and you happen to catch the look and cheeky wink Roxy tosses Dirk as he's pulled in the direction of the spare room he and Jake are sharing.

Ah. You get it. Judging by Sollux's current favorite place to sit, your lap, you understand extended contact and touchy feely-ness are usual side effects to drinking what Roxy has mixed everyone.  
You're not complaining.  
Even as Sollux sucks a violet hickey onto your neck, you are not complaining.  
"I like you tipsy. You're all quiet and smiley." Rox says to you, and nudges you with her elbow. "Your nerdlord wants attention though. Y'should prolly go get into your pjs before he crashes on you."

The hint is not lost upon you. Take it to the bedroom, huh? Yeah, you can do that. Sollux eagerly complies with your request to go get changed, but once you're in the bedroom and trying to put on your pj pants, he starts putting up a fuss.  
"M'not tired." He says, leaning against your bare back.  
"Me neither."  
"And I'm not drunk."  
"You're tipsy, Rox says." He shakes his head against your neck.  
"Nah. Only had two drinkth. Kinda jutht usthing it ath an excuthe to be clingy."  
You laugh and spin around, catching his cheeks in your hands.  
"You don't need an excuse. You can hang off me whenever you want."

For the first time, he kisses you before you can even go for it. Sollux wraps his arms around you and puts his everything into it. At some point you end up sitting down on your bed, then laying down with him on top of you awkwardly so you roll, putting him on bottom.  
He let's you take control without a single sound of protest, fingers tangled in your hair and hips pressed against yours. 

Your breath escapes you as you press back, suddenly too warm but not in an uncomfortable way. Its good. Being with him is fucking fantastic, feels fantastic- you press your hips down to him again and he bites his bottom lip with those awkward doubled teeth of his.  
"Holy shit," escapes you as he rocks upwards, finding a rhythm. You can feel his bulge through his pajama pants. He can likely feel yours too. Holy shit it’s only officially been a month, shouldn't this be too soon to fool around.  
No, everyone has their own paces, the two of you jacked off while sharing a body in a stupid real videogame a few times, you want this so fucking bad, who even cares-  
He tosses his head back against your previously perfectly made bed, mouth open as he moans a soft sound of pleasure.  
Two more vague thrusts against him and your name is on his lips. He goes rigid and so do you and _oh god, oh fuck_...!  


Shit.  
Shit, fuck, _goddamnit_.  
"Oh no." He echoes your mind and you both jump up but it’s too late. You both apparently have short fuses. You try to reason with yourself that everyone does at the beginning of relationships but… There's a dark ruddy puddle on your comforter and both of you have purple and yellow tints to the dark spots on the fronts of your pajama pants.  


"Thith ith my only pair."  
Fuck.  
"I only have one other pair. We could... I could wash them?" You gesture to his pants but it just looks like you pointed at his crotch, oh man. You both end up laughing a bit awkwardly while you yank all the blankets off your bed.

There's a problem though. You don't ever load the washing machine, you just take the clothes out and fold them. You have no idea how the contraption even works, never mind which liquid goes where and what button to push.

So you do the only thing you can think of- ask your moirail for help.

She spends the first ten minutes laughing at Sollux, who is standing next to you outside her bedroom door clad only in blue boxers and mismatch socks. He almost throws the gross PJs at her.  
It takes a bit of prodding, but she's your diamond. She helps you get everything into the wash and shows you where the spare bed sheets are and then even follows you back to your room and helps you remake the bed.

You sort of expect her to go back to her room after that, but she doesn't. She flops down on your pillows and then Sollux follows her and then well, you just join them because why the fuck not. They're you're quadrantmates.  
They're both yours and it’s not perfectly comfortable but it’s not awful either, and you get more than enough giggly, post orgasm haze induced kisses from Sollux to make it pretty alright of an experience.  
Actually yeah, you like it. And they seem to as well.

“This is a really sad attempt at a Triforce.” 

The three of you aren’t quite in a triangle formation but you could maybe see it if you squint.

“Come on, nerd! You’re fucking up our sweetass triangle!” Roxy kicks Sollux's shoulder and he whines in protest like it actually hurt him. Sollux sort of shuffles, latching onto your legs, but it’s still not the way Roxy wants it. She kicks him again and he starts swatting at her. You’re laughing already because their blackrom flirting is really cute in this weird, lame sort of way.

“SOLLUX COME ON.”

“Thut up you heathen bitch!”

“NEWFAGS CAN’T TRIFORCE.” He sputters and smacks her hand, but gets cuffed upside the head before he can scoot up into your arms.

You’re shaking in silent laughter, shoulders all hunched in, a threat of tears in your eyes and your stomach hurting. Sollux hides against your chest and makes a mock-hiss sound at Roxy and that only makes it worse. He starts laughing too and there’s Roxy’s boobs smooshed against your back because her little nightgown barely covers her chest but you don’t care. All of you are this stupid, giggling, wheezing mess of horns and striped sheets tangled around long limbs because not one of you could be considered short. You’re all equally as tall and you’re only slightly less boney than your quadrantmates.

Roxy’s dainty hands wrap around your waist in the squeezing hug she likes to do while she sleeps. It’s pretty soothing on your now aching tummy. You’re all exhausted from the day's events and the time of night and now laughing too, but its Sollux’s palm on your cheek, all warm and calming, that makes you realise just how tired you really are. How tired your body is. It’s three AM, but that’s still night time and you’re tired. You’ve almost completely flipped to a human sleep schedule, but that’s just because Sollux and Roxy are both usually awake.

And well, they’re you’re life now. They’re what’s grounding you in the new crazy world and maybe you’re grounding them in a way too. You hope so.

You watch Sollux’s eyes flutter closed , the light from his two-tone solid gaze disappearing as Roxy shifts behind you, her legs tucked up tight behind your own. It’s a bit cramped, despite your bed being a good size, but it’s still going to be the best sleep you’ve had so far on Earth.

…

Your name is Eridan Ampora and you’re pretty sure this is the happiest you’ve ever been.

**Author's Note:**

> My first multichap, wow.
> 
> Like usual, please let me know if you spot any mistakes c:


End file.
